Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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