Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
