i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
