she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
