your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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