I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
