Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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