3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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