Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
