I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
