I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
