Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
