Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
