I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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