I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
