you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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