She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
