Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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