apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
