I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
