Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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