Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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