Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
