Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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