i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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