took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
