so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize