I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
