i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
