she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
