I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
