she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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