Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize