if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize