I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize