Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
