Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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