party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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