my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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