i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we're making bets on your personal life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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