So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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