I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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