It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
