White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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