Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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