I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize