i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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