I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How does one acquire holy water?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
