I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
