i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
