is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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