Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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