Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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