Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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