Im at strip club and am horny
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
