I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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