I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
