So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
