I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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