Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
