all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
