Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
