So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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