i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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