i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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