just tell him i said nine months
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
