PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
