Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize