Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
