i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
