uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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