Umm I'm too high to move.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
