Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
